Thursday Thoughts - I'm Moving On

I started to write this post many times and my feelings vacillated between teary eyed and completely pumped. I have such mixed and complicated feelings around the topic of home, so it’s not surprising to have all of these emotions. “Home is where your rump rests” —Pumbaa

I’m trying to tell myself this wasn’t a waste of money, because it took a lot of money to be here. I’m trying to tell myself that it’s okay to not want something you thought you wanted for over 15 years. I don’t know where I’d be if I had been able to stay in Olympia longer, but that didn’t happen and this is the way the cookie has crumbled. Life kept going, no matter the circumstances, and it’s led me to this moment.

Me in front of the glorious Mt. Rainier

I tried new things. I tried to love Portland and the people of Portland. I tried new versions of myself. I tried alternate timelines and wild-to-me things. I tried. All of the trying made me feel weird and invalid. All of these mishaps brought me back to who I am - the outdoorsy, generally unaware, golden retriever that I am. I have no regrets because I tried things I knew I would have never tried before. I have no regrets because I learned from every experience and relationship I’ve had while being in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve made some genuinely wonderful friends and I’m glad to have them yet sad to leave them.

“I’m not sure my brand of outdoorsy is right for the area” is a thought I’ve had many times living here. I’m not super ambitious these days - more of a lazy outdoors person. I saw myself going out every weekend and exploring as often as possible. Well, reality always hits and it’s not always that simple. Depression, anxiety, burnout, time, costs, friends, other plans, crowds, and distance have all been factors in my lack of doing certain things I thought I wanted. I could sit here and make the excuses, but I’ll just admit that it wasn’t as easy as I thought to just go somewhere and do the damn thing.

I’ve wanted to live in the Pacific Northwest since 2008 when I first visited with my pals on our second big spring break road trip. I’ve wanted to live in Portland since 2013, and seriously considered it in 2014. I applied for jobs all over Oregon from 2009 onward and had several interviews, but nothing ever worked out. When I moved in to my apartment in January, in the middle of a blizzard (I’ve done that before, btw), I thought it was great. As I settled in, and the temperatures warmed, I noticed things that started to slowly drive me batshit crazy and I couldn’t wait to finish my lease and get out to the suburbs or rural area. The city is really not for me, and I learned that lesson living in a super busy area with thousands of people concentrated around me. I don’t like driving, parking, or dodging people with crazy dogs. I don’t like hearing my dumpster being emptied at 3:00 AM. I don’t enjoy not having an outdoor space of my own or paying an exorbitant amount for parking.

As the year crept forward and my general disdain for the city grew, I also realized I wasn’t saving as much or paying debt off fast enough and I needed a change. I started with a plan to move to Vancouver, WA with a roommate to save more money and have more space. That plan seemed perfect, until I realized I still wouldn’t be saving enough. After a chat with my dear friends, I made a new plan to move to Michigan to stay with them and get life back on track to where I thought I needed to be. As it turned out, life had other plans for me. I was contacted about a job in Ohio doing something that intrigued me, so I applied and interviewed. Fast forward a few weeks to accepting the job and packing my life for a move back to the Midwest in a different way than I had originally planned. I’m excited to be closer to my people, near the Great Lakes, and to be in an area that is a little more quiet and rural. I will genuinely miss those who made Portland and the Pacific Northwest feel like home to me.

I have no idea what Ohio will bring for me, but I do know I’m ready to start the journey and see what happens. I will always visit the PNW, as I have for all the years before but now I’ll have people to see and stay with when I visit. I’m grateful for the opportunity to continue this life and try something new. If you’re in the Midwest and want to get outside or hangout, you know how to reach me! Happy trails.

I haven't been to Ohio since 2007? 2008? This photo is from 2006 or 2007 on an adventure to Cedar Point in Sandusky.

I'll miss the PNW but I think it'll be fine without me. (Olympia, WA 2023)

Thursday Thoughts

I have to make my own happiness. This doesn’t mean I can’t have help from others, or rely on them sometimes, but I need to work within to bring my own natural joy out first and foremost.

I’ve been kind of letting the negative in life take me out. The chores, the absurd cost of living, and various doom around the globe have infiltrated my joy. So, I am working to compartmentalize and to have a duality - I can be frustrated about things but still enjoy other things. I can hate the way people are destroying one another in various ways, but I’m still allowed to enjoy the sunrise or various cultural events.

I have recently started walking to the Tillikum Crossing bridge in the morning. I’m trying my damndest to see the sunrise as often as possible, and it’s paying off. Having an objective that brings me joy adds a level of contentment to my whole day. Seeing that bridge with cotton candy clouds gives me a physical reaction I can’t hide - a big smile. I get giddy with a sunrise, and I want to feel that way about more things.

Seek things that make you feel good, even if things are on fire around you. Secure your own oxygen mask first, and then help others with theirs. It’s not selfish to do things to make yourself feel good, despite what we were made to believe.

Thursday Thoughts - Adventure Time!

I live in Oregon now, and so I must set up a quest to see all of the state parks. Various websites say that Oregon has over 250 state parks, which is a lot. Upon closer inspection, there are about 50 parks classified as state parks and the rest are waysides, recreation areas, or historical sites.

I have my spreadsheet all set up, and divided by type of recreation area. Each recreation area can then be filtered by region.

So far, I’ve visited 2 of Oregon’s state parks over the years. Let’s go visit our public lands!

Thursday Thoughts - Doing Nothing

I always have these talks with my buddy John about doing nothing and what that means. To him, it means doing actually nothing. To me, it is a bit more complicated. I can do nothing if it’s not planned, but if I plan it, I’ll always fail.

“Doing Nothing” to me is really what a low-impact “something” activity is to others. Examples include: watching TV with friends, going for a walk, or FaceTime with friends. “Doing Nothing” can also mean, to me anyway, doing things by myself without anyone else weighing in or adding expectations. Some examples include a long drive with my phone on “do not disturb” or going for a walk in the woods with no goals or itinerary.

I don’t do well with actually doing NOTHING. I certainly do not plan to do nothing, but I will let it just happen. There are days I’m a total lump and watch movies and ignore my phone. Other days, my nothing will include some Taco Bell and a day trek without expectations or showering.

I love to fill my time and I don’t really know how to stop sometimes. I want to see all the things, try all the foods/beverages, and see all the people. This desire to go will catch me, occasionally, and then I’ll be overwhelmed or down for the count. I’m never down for long, but when I am, it’s usually being sick or run down from not sleeping enough. Balance is something I’m trying to learn, I swear.

I have lived alone, again, for a year now. In that year, I spent many evenings doing nothing but watching TV by myself. I don’t love that for me, but I surely didn’t hate it in the moment. I aspire to do more, be more, and enjoy life a bit more but I’m learning those nights are important. Sitting with your thoughts, processing them alone, and moving through them can require some true “do-nothing” plans.

However you classify “nothing” to you is your business, but you should tell me about it because I’m a nosy fucker. Happy almost weekend and enjoy your relaxing plans.

At home, now.

The move, physically, is complete. Everything I own is in Oregon, now. I have a huge storage unit for my camping gear, kayaks, and overstock items that don’t seem to fit in my new, streamlined one-bedroom. Moving from a three-bedroom townhome with a huge garage to a large, one-bedroom apartment is a magic trick gone wrong. I am letting go of some things while storing other things until figure out what I want to do with them. I’m so grateful for Josh, Stanley, and Sam for helping me move and clean. Absolute Dreamboats.

Downsizing can be a big adjustment, and it is overwhelming, but I’m coming out of it with a more positive outlook on life. I managed to find a home for my grandmother’s China and other dishes I have, so that made me the happiest. The rest, whatever, it was given away or put into storage.

People in Portland have been welcoming, and that has me optimistic as well. I have some established friends here such as my childhood bestie and my sunrise hiking buddy which is exciting. I have several other friends around Oregon, and it’s been great to be closer to them as well. I’m making new friends, and working to create a network of people who want to hang out and adventure with me semi-regularly.

It was a rough start to 2024, but it’s turning around. I’ve made friends I never (in a million years) expected to make, I feel liberated as a human again, and am getting used to the sounds of the city once more. I’m taking lessons learned and hardships experienced as a means to grow and develop while looking at the year ahead with an open mind and an adventurous spirit.

There’s trivia nights, public transit to breweries, plenty of good coffee, so many bridges to walk across, and an amazing path along the river that I know Chewy will love. I’m also pumped to be in a city that has so many hiking trails nearby which makes me excited to put some of my guidebooks to use. 52 Hikes With Me, Mike, will be back in action! I’m going to kayak at Trillium Lake, and many other lakes and rivers, and I’m going to see all the sights. Time to do the damn thing - happy trails.

Thursday Thoughts

I’m back and the website is back up and running. Sure, I should be packing my house up, but I had to take a break and welcome February into my life. Some life updates include:

• I’ve accepted a new job in Portland, OR

• I’ve been slowly moving into my new apartment, in Portland, and I’ll be doing a big push this coming weekend thanks to some friends

• I’m downsizing from a huge townhome to a small apartment with a storage unit, it’s stressful but also helping me figure out what’s really important

• My dog has been with his other dad in Texas since Thanksgiving and will be coming home in March!

• I’m uploading a “Photo A Day” and a “Daily Selfi” so I can look back at the year. Find them here!

I’m hoping to get caught up on my hikes for 2024 and hoping to dive deep into exploring Oregon. Olympia was a great location, and I’ll still explore all over the PNW, but I’m excited to be a bit further south so I can get down to the Redwoods a bit easier and out to some of my favorite spots on the coast.

I look forward to being closer to some friends of mine in Portland and building a new network of people. My new office has views of Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens and that makes the days I have to go in less terrible.

I hope February brings you great things. See you on the trails!

Thursday Thoughts

I remember one of my favorite point and shoot cameras of all time - my Panasonic Lumix DMC-FX3. The camera was 6 megapixels and 3x optical zoom. This point and shoot was lovely, until it glitched one time. BUT, before that, it felt like it was the best damn thing. It had a special long exposure mode called Starry Sky - up to a minute - and I would go around taking night photos for shit and giggles. I love setting the camera down and seeing what it can do when it brings in all the light.

I actually shared a little about this once here: GVSU Overexposed

Nowadays, I have an iPhone 14 Pro Max with night mode and a Google Pixel 7a with Google’s famous night mode. I love taking night photos or long exposure photos. I have a DSLR I need to learn how to use - would love to start taking pictures of the night sky.

Looking back to find photos for this post, I’m thinking about life before good camera phones. I have so many weird selfies and mirror selfies as well as just hundreds of useless photos. Nothing has changed, except I probably have thousands of useless photos now. It’s fun to sit here and look back life before camera phones. I would take my little Panasonic Lumix everywhere with me - I think I eventually just kept it in the center console of my car.

I love that I have a super camera with machine learning/AI in my pocket now. I can take photos to remember everything. I’m a huge fan of sharing life with everyone, an early adopter of social media before it was monetized. I love sharing what it looks like for me, real life, lightly adjusted if necessary to look as real to my eye.

Here are some photos from my Panasonic point and shoot over the years. Go do what makes you happy and take pictures of everything.