I think losing someone you love is a long, slow burn. There's the initial spark of immediate grief followed by the moments along the way when they come up and you remember again that they’re gone. It's not bad, it's not good, it's just life. I feel eventually it’ll just be a low flicker or that tiny flame that will never go out. For now, with everything so fresh, it’s one of those big bonfires you have one when you drink a little too much.
It's been four years since my granny passed and only days since my grandfather and it's the same “woah” feeling every time I come across some random thing that makes me think of either of them. A memory, a moment, something they would have loved, or something they helped me achieve. I’m not one to dwell on things, but I have been known to get caught up in a moment every now and then and completely lose it over something so small but so important to my memory. Today I’m using the grief, the moments, the memories, and the flames of loved ones who have passed as motivation to continue to live a life I love and move forward with purpose. I remember the people who passed as strong, helpful, and wise in their own ways and if here, now, would only continue to push me forward and motivate me to be a better human. Use your pain, past experiences, and downtrodden moments as fuel to keep moving. If you don’t have inspiration right now, take some of mine and run with it, I don’t mind.
Death has this cliche effect on me that causes me to reflect and regroup. I think it’s natural, from what I’ve read, but I feel it's still cliche and a little absurd. I wonder if I’m living life the way I should or taking care of myself enough, among other things. I really do like the excuse to reflect and regroup, but I need to do it more consistently along the way - not just when I lose a loved one. Here’s to more reflection, but not too much that I fall into a downward spiral of doubt - a happy balance.
Happy trails and I wish anyone reading this a wonderful week ahead.