First, I’m writing this for myself. If you don’t want this kind of content, don’t read it. Second, I’m writing this to have some sort of reference point that is not my personal journal since I have several journals floating around because I’m bad at being consistent. Third, I’m fine and will be fine. Life is truly good, even if it’s got some little spots that really fucking suck.
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s good and what’s not for me in my life. I’d spent years tracking my exercise and steps as well as sleep. I love data, in theory. I love data when I’m doing regular exercise and getting regular sleep. I don’t like looking through the data when I’m sleeping 2-3 hours per night or being so overwhelmed mentally I’m too tired to do anything in the form of even a long walk.
I’ve tried to track daily things since February, and have had a bad record of doing so. I’ve recently updated my info and it’s just very bleak compared to years past. I feel it in my body, I feel it in my brain. I’m foggy. I’m slow. I’m a little more plump than usual. I’m just not feeling very myself. My body is over it and so is my brain. My brain, though, is a little asshole too. It’s not as though I don’t want to go for a walk, run, bike ride, or hike, it’s my brain being like “just lay on the couch and eat ice cream” so it all snowballs out of control.
I’m making myself go to the trails this weekend. I want to get some fresh air, challenge myself a bit, and get my dog out and acclimated to hiking again. I want to pick up the trash along the way and fulfill my duty as a Groundskeeper for 2021. I want to be outdoors with people I enjoy in a place away from the office hell of home or work.
I feel myself coming out of whatever it was holding me back. I feel a little more fresh, but still a little foggy. I’m trying, and pushing myself. I’m journaling my thoughts and feelings. I’m taking note of my moods, my foods, my drinks, and my time.
Things I have not given up on (maybe the only things truly getting me through)
Looking for the moon each morning
Getting lost in a sunrise
Watching the sun set over the horizon
Going out to see the stars (and moon) on the last dog walk of the night (they’re much more clear here in New Mexico)
Sleeping - it’s not always great, but it always happens eventually.
Things I will try harder to do, despite any of the bullshit in my brain
Take that dog for his 4 mile daily walk
Restart Couch 2 10K YET AGAIN
Get over to the apartment gym for some rotations
Make better food choices at home
Drink less alcohol (hasn’t been a problem, but certainly not always the best choice)
Hike every weekend again
Maybe bike to the office in my new small town
Here’s to a better March and a better outlook for 2021. Here’s to getting back to a routine, back in my groove, and back to reality. Here’s to balancing work and life and having some weekend adventure. If you need me, reach out - no matter my state I’m always here.